How I Date a Stranger


dating game

Just like the television show of my childhood, I have to agree that dating is a game.  Any time you are in a position to ask someone ‘out’, or if someone asks you it involves a certain roll of the dice.  There is risk, adventure, excitement, worry and maybe some fear.

A couple years ago my marriage unraveled beyond repair after 22 years and I was faced with a new status – divorced.  And, single.   My mind and heart were in a fog for quite some time, but I do recall the pondering and worrying about how one returns to the world of dating after such a long sabbatical.  It had been at least 25 years since I had been out with anyone besides my husband, er.. ex-husband.  Technology, opportunities, motivation had all evolved.  I didn’t have a clue.

After the divorce, we had gone our separate ways and stumbled along towards healing our broken hearts and shattered dreams in our own different ways.    He struggled with anger, rejection, and an affinity for alcohol to cope.  I was numb, confused, and eventually smothering in depression.   We lived alone on our separate corners of our small town, then found healing for ourselves through a Celebrate Recovery step study, a Christ-centered 12 step recovery program.

I dated a couple times, in an awkward effort to move on with my life.  Totally unfamiliar territory.  Online dating sites?  They induced anxiety and panic more than anything else.  I even accepted an invitation with  an old flame from high school.  That was a disaster that had to happen.   Then I considered the idea that I may just stay alone for the rest of my earthly life.  That would be the safer choice.

I spent some time praying and working on myself and God decided that alone wasn’t the right choice for me after all.   I am shocked to say that today, two and a half years after my divorce and 4 years since my separation, I am finally dating someone regularly again.

He is similar to someone from my past, but has many qualities that are so unfamiliar.  He is patient, considerate, understanding, thoughtful, calm and best of all, he is a grateful son of God and strong in his Christian faith.  This guy is as much a stranger as any other I had met during my single years, but he has the advantage over others.  He has the same last name as mine, he is parent to the same children I am parent to, he knows the same friends and family as me.  He also knows me and loves me like no other guy.

He used to be my husband.   And, according to God and my Catholic faith, he still is… only so much better.

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About A Silver Garden

I am all things (wife, mom, sister, daughter, housekeeper, gardener, friend, employee, teacher, student, mentor, intern, leader, follower, disciplinarian, judge, jury, witness, victim, advocate, reader, writer, believer, sinner, blessed, and a child of God), yet, I am nothing. I am a work in progress on a mission though. The mission is me, and the road is rocky sometimes, but the rewards are definitely worth it. Just walk with me.......
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3 Responses to How I Date a Stranger

  1. Ha wow what a twist. I didn’t expect that ending. As a person in the early stages of a divorce I have not had to face these things yet but I do think about them. I’ve been with her for 20 years and married for 18. I met her in my early 20’s so really I can say I grew up with her. How do you just start over after that?

    I think you touched on that later on in your blog. When faced with this situation you really take a long look at the person you are and evaluate your good and not so good qualities. If you really want a better future you make one by making adjustments and learning from the past. Right now I am trying to do those things and would be lying if I said it wasn’t for her because it is. But it’s also for me and my future. I want the changes I make to benefit my future partner whoever that might be.

    • thank you for reading and for your interest.
      I am as surprised as you about the end of this part of my story and our journey.
      God gets the real glory and praise for our relationship – it would not be honest if I didn’t express that we should have been looking to HIM all along for blessings and for guidance as we started out and as we grew, then allowed all the little pieces to start breaking away at our fragile foundation.

      Celebrate recovery’s program helped us individually understand why we did the things we did – and gave us the tools and awareness to recognize and grow His way this time.
      I pray that you find hope and healing also – and that she does too.

  2. Pingback: How I Date a Stranger | A Silver Garden

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